What is my life? Sometimes I feel like it should be a movie, or a book, or that I am making it up.
I have been single for about 5 years. Far too many dates in that time but not many recently. The whole world pandemic and lockdown thing really put a damper on the dating scene, not to mention it has been too cold to go for walks in Toronto.
On top of that, I go through phases of being on the apps and then being tired of them, and the past six or so months have been the latter. A large part of this has been because I have been so focused on my whole TTC journey, the stress this has caused, trying to get myself ovulating, finding a sperm donor, etc. I have not had the mental energy to try to date/swipe.
Well, I have found my donor which is wonderful. We talk regularly enough, he has done the STI testing and is in the process of getting his swimmers checked as well, just to make sure there are plenty of them and they are quick! We have the contracts ready to go. We are just waiting on my stubborn ovaries.
This is a huge relief and I am really excited to be pregnant. A year ago I would have laughed if you told me I would want to be preggers, it is funny how things can change so quickly.
Well, last week, my SVP called me to tell me that she ended up having a networking sort of call with a young man and over the course of the call, she found out he was single. She promptly asked how old he was and even how tall he is (knowing I am a tall woman) and then proceeded to tell him she has someone for him. I died. But, of course, I said yes, set it up. I am all for blind dates, first dates, etc. Why not? I have nothing to lose.
But how do I date while also trying to get preggers? This is not something I really thought about as I have come to terms with the fact that I will likely be single forever (it is just a gut feeling – not looking for “no you won’t, you will meet Mr. Right”).
So, we have had three phone calls, I have not yet told him that I want a baby, nor have I asked him if he wants to be my baby’s daddy…but I feel as though this will need to come up, and fairly soon, considering I am hoping to put a bunch of swimmers in my vag in the next month or so…
He is 42 so perfect age, and if he does want a family, maybe he would want one sooner rather than later?
We need to meet. But he does not want to until he gets a haircut… yes…apparently, his covid hair is just unacceptable for human viewing. I find this hard to believe but whatever. He said we will meet this month, so he’s got two weeks. I told him that I do not want a penpal and that is what I hate about all of the dating apps – you start messaging for weeks, then maybe a call or two, and then it either A) turns to nothing and just fizzles out or B) you meet and have zero chemistry and have wasted weeks getting to know this person you never care to see again.
I said that to him, in nicer words, so he agreed we will meet this month. We’ll see what happens. I think the “do you want to be my baby’s daddy?” conversation is better suited for an in-person discussion, I would like to be able to read his body language and reaction. And don’t worry, I won’t say it exactly like that. Or maybe I will, because I’m a bit odd.
I did not expect to start dating right now. The universe has a funny way of working.