A couple of months ago my bestie told me to check out sperm donor groups on FB. I joined a couple of them but didn’t participate/post and then kind of forgot about them once I decided to use the sperm bank that my fertility clinic suggested.
Well, if you have read my previous posts, you know that I am really struggling with the idea of putting all of my hopes on one vial that I order from a clinic, have to worry about it getting here in time, and then the chances of success only being 10%.
There is some debate about whether or not double insemination actually improves chances but I figure it can’t hurt. I also really like the idea of the biological father being closer with regard to geography and even potentially being in the child’s life.
So, two days ago I decided to rejoin two FB groups for Canadian sperm donation. I posted on both pages simply saying “Looking for a sperm donor in Toronto”.
Some people had written more lengthy posts, indicating some physical characteristics they are looking for, or sharing a bit about themselves…I do agree this is nice to do, but I did not do it. No particular reason, maybe I was lazy, maybe I didn’t really think anyone would respond, maybe I have lost a bit of hope. Likely a combination of all.
Well, within minutes I received a few private DMs! A couple of the men I said no thank-you to immediately…I just got a weird vibe from their profiles. Apparently, everyone first determines if you are interested in AI or NI…I kind of assumed that if you are donating sperm to me you would be doing it in a cup and handing that over.
Wow was I wrong.
One man informed me that he would happily be my donor but he strictly does NI. As in Natural Insemination. As in sex.
He then proceeded to tell me this was “not just for sex” but that he wants this connection with the person he makes a baby with. I politely told him that I was absolutely not interested in having sex with a random man for the purpose of getting pregnant. If anything, I think I would feel so awkward that my vag would likely dry up and all my eggs would go into hiding.
He then let me know that he would actually like to date me. When I didn’t respond to that message he told me that he changed his mind and he would do AI (artificial insemination). Ugh.
Mind you, I’m thinking that getting only one kinda creepy response is pretty good considering I have received gross messages on dating apps before as well.
So, where does that leave me? Well, I actually have had two really nice conversations with two men who would donate to me! I am leaning toward one of them because he has done this 10 times in total. A few of those are to make siblings. He is only interested in helping one or two more women he says. He is married with his own kids, is open to meeting the child but is not looking to be “dad”. What I really like about him is that he sent me this really thorough donor agreement that we both would sign.
He has done this before, and has good swimmers!
I am finally feeling a little hopeful again. Now I just need to get these eggs to start cooperating. My next appointment is on the 7th to find out if the Letrozole worked…and if not, what the next steps are.
Both potential donors are on board with trying in Jan or Feb – depending on my ovulation. Both also said they would get an STI check.
I am really excited about this. I can inseminate in the comfort of my own home, will be able to do it two days in a row, and can try with the same person multiple months in a row, if needed (hopefully one and done though).
Man this is a journey but we are starting 2021 off with hope.