Feeling a little miserable and stressed with this whole process right now and I know that stress is not productive or useful but getting rid of it is easier said than done.
I finished my five days of Letrozole December 6th so that means I should have ovulated around the 12th. I was using OPK strips every day after finishing the pills until December 20th and nothing showed ovulation. I do take my temperature each morning, first thing upon waking, but there was no steady few day spike either. This is so disappointing. I have been having my blood taken each Wednesday and the last time is the 30th.
On Jan 7th I have my follow-up appointment where we will review the bloodwork to confirm whether or not I ovulated. I pray that I did but I am pretty sure I didn’t and this just makes me so sad.
I also have not ordered my sperm yet…the person I had asked really thought about it but ultimately said no. I cannot blame him, it is a big ask, but I had really convinced myself that he was going to say yes and was so excited about it. I was so sad when he said no…but I get it.
I just wish I knew someone who would be a donor – I don’t want to order sperm because there is only a 10% chance each time and everything I read says it is best to have sex every day for the three days or so before ovulation and then on the day of. So I feel like if I only have one vial to inseminate once, that is really low chances, so almost what’s the point. Logically I know this does not make any sense because no sperm definitely means no baby…but it is just hard to click order, to have all of my hopes resting on one vial.
If I knew someone then I could inseminate in the comfort of my own home on the days leading up to ovulation…if I ever ovulate that is.
So why don’t I just order four vials or so? Well, they are $2,000 each…so yeah.
I know I need to order my sperm but I keep hoping that some man will walk into my life who is happy to be a donor for me. Realistically, I know this is highly unlikely…but I keep hoping.
I actually called someone I used to casually date and have not spoken to since 2014…literally called him out of the blue and asked him if he was single and if so, wanted to help me out. Not even kidding. I then tried to persuade him that I am in fact of sound mind…not sure I convinced him. Needless to say, I am still on the hunt for a donor.
I am just frustrated and sad and pessimistic and I know that these feelings will not help me but it is where I am. Some days I am more optimistic but right now I am not.