Last week I woke up 3 days in a row between 2 am and 3 am with anxiety dreams. First, it was about work, the next night it was about moving to my condo (the fact that the freezer is so small it can’t fit a frozen pizza to be exact) and the third night it was about fertility issues….Needless to say I have not had a ton of sleep the last few nights.
Friday morning Dr. V call at 8 am. My cortisol came back okay from the dexamethasone suppression test so I don’t have Cushing’s which is good, but it means we are still back to where we started, and not knowing why the Menopur didn’t work the way it should have with 112.5 units.
I asked if we can try higher dose, as this is likely what I need, and we can, but there is the risk that I will over-stimulate. And if I do, there are three options:
1. Cancel the cycle and waste all of the money (approx. $100/vial and I would be on 3 vials/day for 10-12 days)
2. Turn it into IVF cycle but that is a little bit of a waste because only went half at it so could have gotten way more eggs and end up paying for IVF anyway.
3. Retrieve the extra eggs and toss them and leave me with 2-3 eggs for the IUI
I said let’s do #3 but he said that if there are too many, we won’t have a choice and would have to turn it to an IVF, and again, that will not be as good as going full IVF dosages to begin with…
Now that we know I MIGHT need IVF, regardless of which option I choose, he needs my sperm donor to go in to do a sperm analysis and blood work so his info is on file ahead of time just in case….This is way more than my donor signed up for. Fortunately we have actually gotten to know each other a little bit, and I called him after I spoke with my Dr. and he is okay to do this. And it is actually a good idea regardless becuase if his swimmers aren’t great and we just stim me a little, then that would be a total waste so it is good to know.
So now I need to decide if I go straight to IVF or if I choose to try the lower dose but much higher than I was on, to try to get just a couple eggs to grow. If we go straight to IVF, it is max eggs, but also max costs (approx. 17K) and it is also a lot more for my body to physically go through, and for my mind to mentally and emotionally go through.
Yes, it is more expensive but the chances of IUI working are only around 20% and I would have spent a few thousand on the meds for that…so if that fails a couple of times, which it could, and then I end up at IVF anyway, that would suck. But it COULD work and then it would save not only the costs but also everything else that full IVF includes (I’ve read a little and the egg retrieval doesn’t sound the most comfortable… and the dosages of meds required too…)
I ended the call saying I still want to try the lesser way first.
I called my mum and she said to go straight to IVF – she asked if money had nothing to do with it, what would I do, and I said IVF, so she said that is my answer.
I am still struggling with this but it has been 10 months already and my body just doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. Dr. V still thinks it is stress related. He is likely correct. I am trying to decrease that and get a handle on it but it is easier said than done. I do acupuncture every other week and just tried a red light therapy that they offered too. It is supposed to be good for tissue repair and inflammation, among other things, and high cortisol and stress can lead to inflammation.
I am so overwhelmed with life these days. Between moving this month (figuring movers, setting up hydro/internet, canceling current, finding insurance companies – this has been the biggest effort for dumb reasons, meetings and documents for the lawyers and new condo, researching and figuring out blinds, now I need a mortgage, etc … it literally doesn’t end), work being busier than ever and not slowing down, and all of this fertility stuff, I really have too much going on. And I feel like I am doing everything alone. My parents have been helping with condo stuff as much as they can which is so appreciated….but I just have too much going on right now. I’ll live, I have to, but I have had a few breakdowns to say the least…
So the new plan is to wait until the semen analysis comes back, then do IVF. I have been thinking about it all weekend and am still going back and forth. I do have a couple of weeks to make up my mind since we are waiting for the semen analysis to come back.
Life is just a lot.