Anxiety is no joke and sometimes medication is what is needed. To give a little history, I have had depression in the past but not for over ten years. I am not sure when I started to develop anxiety but I suspect I always had it on a low level and “managed” it by my perfectionistic tendencies. When I was in my late teens, I was put on Effexor and it worked really well. I eventually came off of it once I sorted (read lots of therapy) my mental issues and did not feel like I needed it again.
In 2017 there were some things going on in my personal life that were really putting me in a bad place mentally so I went back on medication. I decided to go back on Effexor because I remember it working well.
Effexor is an SNRI that is used to treat depression as well as generalized anxiety. I think this is why it worked so well for me. It is not often prescribed however, because the withdrawal is horrible.
In 2019 I started to really feel better. My personal situation that had been a major cause of anxiety, stress, and negativity changed and I was going to therapy. For the early part of 2020, I felt as if I didn’t really need to be on Effexor anymore but I stayed on it. In the summer, after I decided I wanted to become a mum, I researched Effexor and found that it can have negative effects on the baby so I decided to stop it cold turkey in mid-August.
Note: I do NOT advise this. I did not ask my doctor. I just stopped taking it. Do not do as I did. Talk to your doctor.
I survived and after about a week I was feeling normal. Since then I have been managing pretty well. I have noticed that I have had days where I do feel overwhelmed but I am able to talk myself through it.
I don’t know what has changed, but over the last two weeks, I have noticed that my anxiety and feelings of overwhelm are becoming more and more frequent and the last four nights in particular I have been up at 3:30 am each day.
The frustrating part is that I am waking up with my heart pounding and feeling so anxious but about the most ridiculous things and sometimes I can’t even pinpoint what it is that is causing the feeling. It is truly generalized anxiety and it is not fun. I know I am not depressed as, in general, I feel very happy, optimistic, positive, and I can just tell. But I do have anxiety.
This morning I woke up again at about 3:30 am. I might have dozed back off but was up for good at 5am. I took a vacation day today and have been feeling anxiety about not checking emails! Saturday morning I woke up at 4am stressing about the fact that some investments I have are likely not doing well…Whyyyyy???? I have not even been talking or thinking of them recently.
Then I realized that I had a really busy weekend and so got really anxious that I would not find time to go to the grocery store…even though logically I knew I had plenty of time, and I have today off! Again…whyyyyyy?
And of course, I have constant stress and anxiety over the fact that I am not even at the stage where I am trying to get pregnant. This is stressing me out on a daily basis which I know is not productive. I feel like the last four months have just been wasted time and I just want to start trying. Apparently, my body disagrees. My next doctor’s appointment is on the 30th where we will go over my latest blood work and ultrasound (I had it re-done on November 4th).
Needless to say, I have an appointment with my GP this afternoon and I am going to ask about an anti-anxiety that does not have negative side effects on the baby…hoping that exists because this is just getting ridiculous. I can usually talk myself down during the day but this lack of sleep thing is not okay. I am expecting no sleep when I have a newborn but do not feel as though I need to be practicing prior…